Thrift Store Adventures: Disturbing Things!

Here are a few truly and deeply disturbing items I've found in my adventures lately. These are the kinds of things that keep me going to thrift stores. Well, this and everything else - I love them. In fact, if a thrift store was a person, I'd be friends with her. Nothing more though, because I guarantee she'd have crabs.

First up, we have this:

Can you tell what that is? Well if not, let me describe it. I found it in the frames section, among the pictures of forgotten family pets and dead grandparents. It is framed and under glass, as if to signify something of importance. It contains several painted pieces glued onto a blue backboard. And it is a bunch of fingernails. Human fingernails, that someone painted and donated to a thrift store.

Even if you assume that the previous owner DIDN'T stalk, seduce, murder, and collect painted trophies from his victims, this thing is still weird. What is up with the pattern? Why are all the nails left-justified? What is up with this 5-4-5-4-3-3 pattern? Is it some kind of code?? I think we may have stumbled upon a secret.

Here's a close up of some of them:

My favorite from this section is the upper left nail with googly eyes. I can't imagine anyone ever actually wanting that on their fingernails. The next few are simply the epitome of 1989. There is a pretty sweet foot fingernail in the middle row. There are two music-based nails, and to top it off, a nail with a hammer on it. A hammer. On a nail. Cute.

This section just oozes '80s. Nothing too noteworthy, other than that landscape nail in the upper right. It includes a tree, some flowers, and what looks like a tsunami wave.

Well that thing was weird. No weirder than the fact that I purchased it though..........

I went with my friend to Texas to hang out with her and her boyfriend last weekend (they are two of my best-ever friends). One thing we did was visit a Texas thrift store, and let me tell you - it was incredible. The next two items are from that store. Just look at this creepy pillow!

It's a pillow with a picture of Erin Andrews transferred onto it! She is a sportscaster and the object of many sports-geeks' affections. Also, the back of the pillow is corduroy. Side note - have you heard about the corduroy pillows? They're making headlines! Ahhh I'm so funny.

This pillow makes me think of those "girlfriend pillows" that have pictures of hentai girls on them that nerds can sleep with, and perhaps even "sleep" with. Example. It's kind of sad, really. Not for the pillow's ex, but for the pillow itself. Just used and donated to a thrift store. She seems like a sweet pillow, I'm sure she didn't deserve such treatment. Now she probably has crabs.

Maybe not though; another notable thing about this pillow is the tag. It said something along the lines of "Certified Sanitized." That actually makes me feel a little better about touching the pillow. But not much.

Finally, we found a mask of Jigsaw from the saw movies. Here is what Jigsaw looks like in the movies:

Fairly scary, especially in context with the movies. So we decided to put the mask on. But my friend didn't think it was good enough so he added some ski goggles. We each tried this mask/goggles combo out, and they each have their own special level of creepy. Warning, these pics are... different.

Somehow the scariness of Mr. Jigsaw is lost when his hair tufts out the side like that. I tried it on next.

It just looks like some pale dude with frizzy boarder hair and a big, goofy grin on his face. Seeing the eyes through the goggles is a killer, too. My friend tried it on next, but his chin accidentally got caught in the mouth hole.

At this point we just lost it. And so marked the first time I'd ever cried in a thrift store. It looks like he's super confused and kind of sticking his tongue out. And ready to go snowboarding. I don't know if this is as funny to anyone else as it is to me, but I'm LOLing all over the place right now! Except now I'm pretty sure all three of us have crabs in our hair now.

Anyway, those are some of my most recent creepy and disturbing finds! If you want me to send you something like this in the mail, sign up for Thrift Store Pen Pals.