Random Website Reviews!

I am fascinated with randomness. I don't know why that is - perhaps it's the nerd in me, or maybe I'm simply a robot. Games like Minecraft, where the entire world is randomly generated, blow my mind. I even play the lottery and hope those randomly drawn ping-pong balls have my numbers written on them.

Today, I'm going to be review a few randomly selected websites. And I mean completely random. I will use a random word generator, a random number generator, and Google to find a website and chime in with my two cents. This will either be very interesting or very porn-filled. Here we go.

First up, I'm going to try an adjective plus a noun. Let's see what we come up with... "Frustrated System." Okay, and my random number is 9. So I'll go to Google, type in "frustrated system" and review the ninth page. Looks like it's a Myspace music page!

The band is called The Dark Villager, and the song is called Frustrated on the album System. While most of their songs have less than 10 plays, it looks like I'm the 392nd listener to Frustrated! Okay, let's give it a listen...

Hmm I totally planned on making fun of this, but... it's actually kind of good. It is kind of trancy electronica from the UK. It reminds me that a few years ago, I decided to try my hand at producing my own techno music. I called myself Hobotronic, and I only completed two songs, both of which are on Myspace. I am pretty weird, so one song is about a hobo who writes techno music, and the other is about Hobby Lobby. Don't ask. You can listen to them here, by the way, but don't judge me - I was still in college and I was experimenting.

Due to how I unexpectedly enjoyed this random website, I'll give it 4 hearts (another random word from the generator).

Next, I'll try a noun + preposition + noun. "Smile Saving Culprit" and number 3. This one is a bit more depressing. It's a news story with the headline "Dog Shot with Crossbow Dead, Authorities Seek Culprit." 

It was in California and the dog had an injured spine and punctured lung and authorities had to put the dog down. That is super sad :( I don't like this one, but that's the risk I take going to a random website. I'm not sure exactly where the "smile" part comes into play. Normally I'm not a violent person, but I almost have to (sadistically) agree with one commenter to this story:

"One almost wishes the punishment would fit the crime. Let the culprit be shot over and over again with the crossbow. Don't kill him. Treat him without anesthesia or pain pills. Let him suffer as the dog suffered. Maybe learn his lesson."

Okay, that website gets 2 hearts, but only because it was sad. Let's hope the next website is a bit brighter!

 Now I will try a verb + adjective + noun. "Bed Pushing Far" and number 4. This one is a Facebook page called "how far can i push mommy off the bed at night." Exactly 1 person "likes" this page, but unfortunately I can't see who.

This page is very confusing to me for several reasons. Is this page for people who sleep with their mothers and push their moms off the bed during the night? Well Facebook has an age requirement of 13 years old, so best case scenario, some teenager is still sleeping with his or her mom. This conjures visions of incest and mental illness. Worst case, some middle aged woman is making a game out of how close she can push her elderly mother to the edge of the bed while she sleeps. Probably so she falls out of bed in the middle of the night, making it look like an accident. This has turned into a fun and challenging game every night, and so she decided to tell the world how much fun she's been having and so she created this Facebook page, but she is the only subscriber.

Except for me. I "liked" the page, but only out of irony. I don't like to sleep with my mom and push her to the edge of the bed... honest, guys... This page gets 2.5 hearts.

Okay, that was fun. Now I'm going to try a noun + verb + noun. "Art Accumulate Blind" and 8. It brings me to a website article titled "On Maximalism, 1: An Eye & an Eye: or What does Art Require of Us."

Phew. That was a tiring read. I don't know much about art history, so maybe that's why I didn't get this article, but the author seems to be trying way too hard. This is what I imagine the author to look like, but imagine him with an I'm-trying-to-sound-smart voice.

I am not sure, but I think the author is comparing art to a virus and that it gets into you and uses you and then you die. And he talks a lot about orifices. He says that art's preferred orifice is the eye, but any orifice will do. Well, I know of at least a couple orifices that I would like art to stay out of. This website gets π hearts (That's my artsy hipster way of rating things).

That's all for now. Stay tuned for more random stuff reviews!

Sincerely,
Hobotronic