I can't see who comes to my blog, but I can see what search keywords you used to find my blog. In other words, if you type "scat porn with furries" into Google and it brings up my blog (for obvious reasons) and you click the link, I can see the words you typed into Google to get here. Today, I'm going to share with you some of my favorite search keywords people have used to land on my little slice of the Internet.
I talk about some pretty weird stuff on this blog, so I get some pretty weird search terms. I also post a lot of picture, so most of the time it's an image search that brings people here. I am slightly ashamed of some of the things that direct people to my blog, and I know that writing about them in this post is only exacerbating the problem, but I do it all for you, Dear Reader.
I was thinking about posting pictures, but after searching a couple of these... just thank me for sticking to text.
"horse fucking woman" - this phrase is one of my top ten sources of random Google traffic, even though I have only ever mentioned horses like twice in my entire blog-lifetime. I am thinking of starting a bestiality website since that's apparently where all the traffic is. I will give my readers the benefit of the doubt here and assume that they all have Tourette Syndrome and accidentally type cuss words. They just meant to type "horse woman." Although my Tourette Syndrome theory doesn't account for all the "horse mare vagina" and "Lisa in bed with horse" searches I get...
"fucking a store mannequin" - I have also mentioned mannequins only twice, but I have certainly not mentioned making sweet, sweet love to them. They were in some pretty provocative situations, though. Still, I feel like getting your hands on a blow up doll or something would be easier to get a hold of than a store mannequin. Less, ugh... rigid, too. Maybe the Googler was simply looking for a " fucking awesome store mannequin?"
"adventures of a rapist" - This sounds like the title of a terrible, yet lighthearted, movie about a guy with uncontrollable desires and probably mental problems.
"is it right for children to climb shirtless guys" - I have no idea how this search phrase brought someone to my blog, but based on the image this phrase is conjuring in my mind, the answer is definitely no.
"electrical banana dildo" - I... I don't even...
"binoculars and sex" - The only reason I can think to use binoculars during sex is if you're looking through the binoculars backwards. It would make everything look tiny, which would come in very handy if your partner is really fat.
"scabies in the armpits" - Scabies are microscopic little mites that burrow into your skin to cause intense itching. Again, thank me for not posting pictures, but it seems like the worst thing ever. Someone apparently had scabies in their armpits. I can't even make fun of this Googler, I just feel sorry for him!
"pictures of egyptian women throwing up" - That is a very, very specific fetish. How this search brought my blog up, I will never know.
"butchie the raping horse" - Although similar to "horse fucking woman" above, this search phrase is distinctly different. This horse is going around raping people! And we know its name - Butchie! If we know who this horse is, why aren't we doing something about it!
"are thrift stores bad" - Yes, these stores which almost universally support charity are clearly the work of Satan.
"dildo sandwich" - This just sounds funny. Although I hope if someone actually tries eating a dildo sandwich they use the rubbery ones instead of the metal ones. You don't want to be the person who eats a dildo sandwich AND has chipped teeth.
Those are some of my favorites, although I get dozens of incredibly strange search terms every week. People are weird. Check your blog stats and see what keywords people are using to get to your blog. What are some of your strange keywords?