Thursday, February 2, 2012

Weird, Dirty, and Funny Search Keywords

I can't see who comes to my blog, but I can see what search keywords you used to find my blog. In other words, if you type "scat porn with furries" into Google and it brings up my blog (for obvious reasons) and you click the link, I can see the words you typed into Google to get here. Today, I'm going to share with you some of my favorite search keywords people have used to land on my little slice of the Internet.

I talk about some pretty weird stuff on this blog, so I get some pretty weird search terms. I also post a lot of picture, so most of the time it's an image search that brings people here. I am slightly ashamed of some of the things that direct people to my blog, and I know that writing about them in this post is only exacerbating the problem, but I do it all for you, Dear Reader.

I was thinking about posting pictures, but after searching a couple of these... just thank me for sticking to text.

"horse fucking woman" - this phrase is one of my top ten sources of random Google traffic, even though I have only ever mentioned horses like twice in my entire blog-lifetime. I am thinking of starting a bestiality website since that's apparently where all the traffic is. I will give my readers the benefit of the doubt here and assume that they all have Tourette Syndrome and accidentally type cuss words. They just meant to type "horse woman."  Although my Tourette Syndrome theory doesn't account for all the "horse mare vagina" and "Lisa in bed with horse" searches I get...

"fucking a store mannequin" - I have also mentioned mannequins only twice, but I have certainly not mentioned making sweet, sweet love to them. They were in some pretty provocative situations, though. Still, I feel like getting your hands on a blow up doll or something would be easier to get a hold of than a store mannequin. Less, ugh... rigid, too. Maybe the Googler was simply looking for a " fucking awesome store mannequin?"

"adventures of a rapist" - This sounds like the title of a terrible, yet lighthearted, movie about a guy with uncontrollable desires and probably mental problems.

"is it right for children to climb shirtless guys" - I have no idea how this search phrase brought someone to my blog, but based on the image this phrase is conjuring in my mind, the answer is definitely no.

"electrical banana dildo" - I... I don't even...

"binoculars and sex" - The only reason I can think to use binoculars during sex is if you're looking through the binoculars backwards. It would make everything look tiny, which would come in very handy if your partner is really fat.

"scabies in the armpits" - Scabies are microscopic little mites that burrow into your skin to cause intense itching. Again, thank me for not posting pictures, but it seems like the worst thing ever. Someone apparently had scabies in their armpits. I can't even make fun of this Googler, I just feel sorry for him!

"pictures of egyptian women throwing up" - That is a very, very specific fetish. How this search brought my blog up, I will never know.

"butchie the raping horse" - Although similar to "horse fucking woman" above, this search phrase is distinctly different. This horse is going around raping people! And we know its name - Butchie! If we know who this horse is, why aren't we doing something about it!

"are thrift stores bad" - Yes, these stores which almost universally support charity are clearly the work of Satan.

"dildo sandwich" - This just sounds funny. Although I hope if someone actually tries eating a dildo sandwich they use the rubbery ones instead of the metal ones. You don't want to be the person who eats a dildo sandwich AND has chipped teeth.

Those are some of my favorites, although I get dozens of incredibly strange search terms every week. People are weird. Check your blog stats and see what keywords people are using to get to your blog. What are some of your strange keywords?

19 comments:

  1. im gonna try googling some of these and see what else comes up

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    1. Don't do it, friend. It's not worth it!

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  2. This quote made my day from binoculars and sex ...' It would make everything look tiny, which would come in very handy if your partner is really fat." - LMAO...Thanks Woody :)

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    1. In theory it would work. There's a few key areas you'd want to try to avoid shrinking though!

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  3. There are some crazed people out there.
    My keywords are so boring compared to yours :(
    But seriously- egyptian women throwing up??! Why on earth?

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    1. You don't get something like, "egyptian women eating cake" or something like that..? I agree though, people are strange.

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  4. I once blogged about Bear Grylls. Now everyone known to man/woman types in "Bear Grylls hot" and comes to my blog. I'm sure they're disappointed when they find lame stories about me being a mummy :P

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    1. Haha! I totally understand. One mention of certain things (horses, mannequins, etc) gets you all sorts of crazy referrals. I always figured my rando Googlers were disappointed, too - I don't think people are looking for a laugh when they search for horse vaginas.

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  5. The best one I have had by far is "Freddy Kruger kills Justin Bieber" (I probably spelled that wrong.) I'm pretty sure I've never talked about either one of them. In other news, I made a thrift store pen pal vlog!

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    1. Hmm Google has some pretty advanced search algorithms so it must have realized that you secretly think about Freddy killing The Biebz.

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  6. A full 20-30% of my blog traffic comes from people searching Google for pictures of butts. D:

    To be fair, I did draw a butt once. And then later I commented on how popular that post was. So I'm only making it worse... ahhhhhhhh!!!

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    1. Haha!! I'm telling you, the Internet is for porn first, information second. I'm sure this post is only making things worse for me, too!

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  7. Haha! I've been getting a lot of interesting keywords too! Including Justin Bieber fucked Chucky. I am not kidding!

    Anyway, are you sure you didn't write anything about fucking a store mannequin?

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    1. Wow... what's up with everyone searching for Justin Bieber with horror monsters? I didn't know it was so trendy!

      Well... I did write a post about a sexy-posed mannequin in lingerie once. But I certainly did not have sex with it - it didn't seem interested.

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  8. Baffling. I have no idea what most of these search terms have to do with your blog. Okay, mannequins makes sense. But Butchie the Raping Horse? Sounds like the worst cartoon you have never heard of. And armpit scabies? Is there something you aren't telling us, young man?

    ~Shane

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  9. The most recent funny search I have is "sorry to interrupt your tripping", which is just awesome.

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  10. Oh, very interesting post, i've enjoyed it! follow u now, we could follow each other :)
    If u can, visit:
    unknownlooks.blogspot.com
    See ya!

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  11. Wow.. I would've never even thought to use those phrases!

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  12. "Hotwife bareback" is one one of mine. I feel bad for whoever was searching for porn and found my blog instead.

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