Saturday, November 26, 2011

Thrift Store Pen Pals - O Galleghure

This week's Thrift Store Pen Pal was O Galleghure over at Blades of Hysteria. He usually blogs about some fairly nerdy things, but that's just fine with me, considering I'm an advanced nerd.

His review of his Pen Pal item is pretty dang amazing! I think I say this every time, but I am continually surprised by everyone's creativity! When I started this project I expected people to mention their items in passing on their blog and maybe write a paragraph or two about the ridiculousness of things to be found in thrift stores. O Galleghure, instead, pulls together an entire team to help him with his project. Definitely check this one out, by clicking the link below!! :)

And now it's time to plug the Pen Pals project, so click here and sign up!

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Thrift Store Pen Pals - Patrice!

This week's Thrift Store Pen Pal is Patrice of Not a Girl, Not Yet a Woman! Patrice talks about college life and what not, to which I say I'm glad I never have to worry about homework again. She has tons of followers so she probably doesn't need this plug, but you should check her out anyway :) 

Her item is about as creepy as most of my Pen Pal items, and she does a good job going over the finer details of its creepiness. She brings up some very valid points that I probably would have glossed over, so I'm glad I sent it to her! I love this Pen Pals project because it allows me to see how other people see things. It's very interesting and entertaining to me. Anyway, enough blather, click on this link to read Patrice's review!!!

After reading, sign up to be one of my Thrift Store Pen Pals! I don't want to have to beg you!

Monday, November 21, 2011

Stupid Things I Thought as a Child!

I apologize for my blog-posting hiatus - Skyrim has been sucking up all my social and blogging time, which I am generally okay with, but I feel bad for neglecting Bloggy so today I'm writing a guilt-post.

Most of you probably know about my distaste for the kids in my neighborhood and the fact that I think kids in general aren't very bright. Here I'm going to show you (yet again) that I was certainly no exception. I was simply too young to understand how the world worked, which is understandable, but looking back on these moments makes me laugh at my own confusion. Oh, I was REALLY weird, too.

I could not draw the number 5. This is one of my earliest memories. I was in the kitchen doodling something that probably didn't make sense (for example, I once found a drawing I made of the "dog president of the United States," which had 6 legs, a top hat, and two beards). My dad and older brother were working on something on the back deck when I asked, "Dad, how do you draw a 5?" to which he distractedly replied, "First, draw a line going from right to left, then draw a line going down off the first line, and then draw a half-circle off of that line." Here is a dramatization of my 5 being drawn:

Hey, alright! So far so good...

Uh oh... this ship is sinking fast.

...I'm an idiot. 

After drawing my hieroglyphic, I said to my dad, "Like this?" proudly displaying my sad lack of education. I just remember him saying, "Nooo.." and my brother laughing. 

I didn't understand what "reproductive organs" were. I remember once asking my dad why we had to wear clothes and cover up our "weiners and boobs." He answered in a straightforward but short way with, "People don't want to see other people's reproductive organs." Well, I never got "the talk" and this was way before sex ed, so I was not up to par on my hip sexual lingo. I didn't know what a "reproductive organ" was, but I DID try and piece together what he meant. 

"Well... why don't we cover our mouths then?" I queried. "The mouth is not a reproductive organ." He said, clearly not wanting to get into the conversation. Perhaps I was too young, but I remember being angry that he was being short with me and trying to change the subject. "It PRODUCES saliva! And when you throw up, you RE-produce your food! And what about your eyes? Your eyes reproduce tears!" I was so confused. Dad ended up getting angry himself (and embarrassed) and telling me that we just have to wear clothes and we'll go to jail if we don't. 

I thought that drinking ANYTHING while driving was illegal. I'd heard the PSAs - I knew that drinking and driving was illegal and would probably end up killing anyone who did it. So when I would ride anywhere with my parents I thought they were huge criminals/murderers. "Dad, you can't drink and drive!" I'd always say when he'd take a drink of his tea. He always assured me that you just aren't supposed to drink alcohol and drive, but I didn't really understand the concept of alcohol when I was really young, so I thought that maybe taking a drink would distract the driver which would cause a wreck. Well if drinking alcohol will distract the driver, tea or pop could do the same thing, right!? I wasn't buying the whole "it's only alcohol" bit - heck, I didn't want to end up a skeleton!

Seriouly, watch that link, it's terrifying when you're a child.

I thought my parents could read my mind. Anytime I was lying or did something wrong my parents always seemed to know, so I naturally thought they could read my thoughts and when I was around them they could just sift through my mind and that's how they always caught me. I never thought about the fact that I was child number 4 and they'd already seen my shenanigans from my siblings. 

Anytime I knew I did something wrong I would "block" my mind when I was around my parents and just think about other things. I specifically remember my go-to thought was of a red remote controlled car. No idea why, but that's what I would think about. I never LIED but just avoided thinking about my scandals (my very first lie is a whole other story). 

I thought I could pull things from my dreams into existence. I've discussed the fact that I used to watch horror movies at a very young age, so while I can't be certain, this confusion might stem from Nightmare on Elm Street, where the protagonist grabs onto Freddy Krueger in a dream and then wakes up, bringing him into real life where she can then defeat him. 

I clearly remember believing that if I held onto something in my dream, when I woke up, I would still be holding the object. I tried this several times, with no success, but did that get me down? No. I kept trying, like a moron. I would always be so disappointed when I woke up empty handed! I specifically remember trying this with a pocket knife and a toy firetruck. Looking back, if I somehow DID manage to pull something from a dream, a pocket knife and toy firetruck would be pretty poor items to bring back.

Have you guys ever had any stupid thoughts like these?

Wednesday, November 9, 2011

Thrift Store Adventures: Randomness!

Sometimes I like categorizing my Thrift Store Adventures into themes, but sometimes I'd just rather go completely random, like today!

I picked up this awesome lamp with a built-in end table at the Salvation Army:

After some TLC it is looking a little better, and it brings me one step closer to transforming my house into a sweet '60s pad. My hope is that once I fill my house with nothing but things from pre-1980, I will travel back in time. I'll keep you guys updated on that...

See that little clock on the tablelamp? Well it's awesome:

It is a fold-up travel alarm clock from the '60s! It is key-wound so if you're planning on actually using this alarm clock you'd better hope you remembered to wind it the night before. Actually, I tested it out and it lasts a good couple days, and actually keeps time. I'm quite happy with it :)

A lot of people have been asking me about the state of the inside of my house due to all these thrift store items I always post. I actually only BUY a small number of the items I show on this site. You can usually tell whether I bought it or not by the background; if it looks like a house, it's in my house. If it looks like the picture's taken from a store, I just left it there, to rot. I have also gotten requests to see pictures of the inside of my house, which actually isn't all that interesting, but I think I will soon oblige in a future post.

This picture is interesting, not because of the content, but because it was in a thrift store:

To me, the point of donating to Goodwill or the Salvation Army or other thrift stores is so that the less fortunate (or I) can find cheap used items that the previous owner no longer needs or wants. Finding personal baby photos like this is just boggling to me.

"What about this, honey? Should we donate this?"
"Oh, the first pictures we have of little Ronnie? ... Yeah, I think we'd better donate that, someone else needs it more than we do."

On the other hand, something like this boggles my mind for another reason:

How could anyone give away their framed Golden Girls stencil-art picture! Oh my goodness. The frame is covered in rainbow stickers. What a masterpiece. I was tempted to buy this for the humor value, but I'm not sure if anyone would understand... I would send it away as a Thrift Store Pen Pal item, but I figured the glass would break during shipping and I'd end up with a lawsuit.

At first I thought this was a picture of Jesus:

Then I realized it was just a picture of Jesus. As in, "hey-zoos." What a weird picture, although he does look quite pleasant! He's giving a look of "something good just happened, but I'm only mildly interested." That's the exact look I'd have if I found out I won an eBay auction for wool socks or something.

Here's another, even weirder Jesus item:

They always told me Jesus was going to return from the dead, but they never told me he'd be a mummy! Zoinks, Scoob! I have no idea what this thing is, but it's really stupid looking. It just looks like a Jesus cactus to me, and judging by his face, he's pissed about it. I think I'd rather be crucified than have my entire body wrapped in masking tape like that.

I found a signed copy of a movie!

Too bad the movie is Commander Kellie and the Superkids: The Sword. I checked the back and each one of the signatures corresponds with a character in the movie. At first I thought someone just wrote these names on the cover, but they look pretty legit to me. I can't believe I found such a rare piece of memorabilia... Off to eBay to make my fortune!

This is the movie Pinocchio:

Although you wouldn't know it just based on the cover art. I don't understand the logic of putting some random chick's face on the cover of freaking Pinocchio. Okay, I get that she plays Pinocchio in the movie, but isn't Pinocchio trying to be a real BOY? This picture is clearly a WOMAN.

I did some research on Sandy Duncan and found out that she has a glass eye, which makes it subtly hilarious that the price sticker is directly over her eye.

Here's another classic, Tubby the Tuba:

Tubby is trying everything he can to get you to like him. He even boasts that he has "FREE POPCORN ENCLOSED" on the cover of the movie! I checked and no, there was no popcorn, which is probably a good thing because I would have felt personally challenged to eat it had it still been there. Anyway, Tubby has no friends, as is illustrated by the fact that he's blowing himself. The tuba is blowing himself. On the cover of a children's movie.

Lastly, we have Big Big Story Book, a big story book:

Although by itself, this is hardly material for my blog (except for the fact that the poodle has demon-red eyes and those sadistic kids dressed their pet donkey up as a clown), but the real treasure is on the inside cover:

"To Sharon
From Lester

I hate you Norma and Carroll and Skipper. I hate you."

Damn. That's harsh! The fact that the entire note is in the same handwriting kind of makes me laugh. That means that when Lester chose to give Sharon this book he also felt the need to include a hate note to three other people. Sharon is sure-as-shit going to see that note when she opens the book, so I can only surmise that Sharon and Lester share a mutual hatred of poor Norma and Carroll and Skipper, and this note will only help to bring them closer together. Love bound by hate. Poetic.

If I can find completely random/awesome little notes like that in completely random books, imagine what else is out there, undiscovered and forgotten! Ah thrift stores, how I love thee.

Sunday, November 6, 2011

Vague Innuendos from a Home Remodeling Book

FYI, there are 3 Thrift Store Pen Pals who have their items and will be posting soon, so don't think that I have ditched the Pen Pals project - there will be a few posts in the near future! The Pen Pals are Eli, Patrice, and O Galleghure if you'd like to check them out beforehand. Also, I am running dangerously low on volunteers, so if anyone would like to participate in the fantastic Thrift Store Pen Pals project, please just sign up here!

I found a basement remodeling book in a thrift store today and, since I haven't posted in a few days, figured I'd do what I do best and make far-fetched sexual innuendos from the pictures within! This is probably going to be really weird and really stupid. Here is the book:

Looks pretty dang boring. I wouldn't normally even flip through a book like this, as I don't have a basement, but those computer-generated pictures had my interest. Especially the guy in the upper left corner. He looks like a 70's porn star, so that's what I'm going with. We'll call him Todd.

Here's Todd, hard at work in his sexy shades, hammering his rod into a tight crack. You can see the look of cool determination on his face as he fills that crack. There's even a closeup shot to really show the penetration. 

Looks like Todd has spotted some prey. You can tell because his body is erect, he's put on his coat, and he has a dotted line coming out of his eyes.

Once he's gotten his prey, he checks for moisture problems. Here he shows you the two-finger method of checking a box for wet spots. The trick is to swipe slowly across the box, and you might as well smell your fingers for good measure.

Scrub a dub! Time to clean up. Todd rolls up his sleeves and gets right in there to make sure he has the most hygienic experience possible. Although this appears to go against his last tip about moisture, don't worry. Todd's been in this industry a long time; he knows what he's doing..

Now it's time for the fun part. You see Todd here, jacking until he's created a sizable mess on the floor in front of him. Notice that he's now wearing headphones. Listening to disco can give you a good rhythm while you're jacking on the floor.

Todd has put on his glove - which he calls his "love glove" - and is now filling a tight hole with his caulk. He remains stone-faced.

There was more, but that's all I'm willing to write. I feel dirty...