Sunday, November 6, 2011

Vague Innuendos from a Home Remodeling Book

FYI, there are 3 Thrift Store Pen Pals who have their items and will be posting soon, so don't think that I have ditched the Pen Pals project - there will be a few posts in the near future! The Pen Pals are Eli, Patrice, and O Galleghure if you'd like to check them out beforehand. Also, I am running dangerously low on volunteers, so if anyone would like to participate in the fantastic Thrift Store Pen Pals project, please just sign up here!

I found a basement remodeling book in a thrift store today and, since I haven't posted in a few days, figured I'd do what I do best and make far-fetched sexual innuendos from the pictures within! This is probably going to be really weird and really stupid. Here is the book:


Looks pretty dang boring. I wouldn't normally even flip through a book like this, as I don't have a basement, but those computer-generated pictures had my interest. Especially the guy in the upper left corner. He looks like a 70's porn star, so that's what I'm going with. We'll call him Todd.


Here's Todd, hard at work in his sexy shades, hammering his rod into a tight crack. You can see the look of cool determination on his face as he fills that crack. There's even a closeup shot to really show the penetration. 


Looks like Todd has spotted some prey. You can tell because his body is erect, he's put on his coat, and he has a dotted line coming out of his eyes.


Once he's gotten his prey, he checks for moisture problems. Here he shows you the two-finger method of checking a box for wet spots. The trick is to swipe slowly across the box, and you might as well smell your fingers for good measure.


Scrub a dub! Time to clean up. Todd rolls up his sleeves and gets right in there to make sure he has the most hygienic experience possible. Although this appears to go against his last tip about moisture, don't worry. Todd's been in this industry a long time; he knows what he's doing..


Now it's time for the fun part. You see Todd here, jacking until he's created a sizable mess on the floor in front of him. Notice that he's now wearing headphones. Listening to disco can give you a good rhythm while you're jacking on the floor.


Todd has put on his glove - which he calls his "love glove" - and is now filling a tight hole with his caulk. He remains stone-faced.

There was more, but that's all I'm willing to write. I feel dirty...

8 comments:

  1. I can't believe that you turned this into something so dirty. But I like it! lol

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  2. Hahaha, excellent! I'm at work and I almost lost it when I read "love glove". I don't think any of your innuendos were far-fetched; all were very plausible. You win 500 Internets for "jacking until he's created a sizable mess on the floor in front of him". Skeet skeet!

    ~SP

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  3. Kinda wish I hadn't read this one SON.

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  4. Hahahahaha, I freakin love your thrift store adventures.

    Definitely crack me up everytime.

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  5. Myli: I have a gift for turning mundane everyday things into dirty, dirty things :)

    Nicole: Thanks! :)

    Shane: Thank you for all the Internets!! And the skeet skeet, although I expect you to wipe that off my comments...

    Dad: Sorry :(

    Sassy Pants: I haven't seen you in a while! But thanks, I am pretty much constantly cracking myself up as I browse the thrift stores :)

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  6. LMAO! This is seriously funneh, yo.

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  7. Love to read it,Waiting For More new Update and I Already Read your Recent Post its Great Thanks.
    Certified Precision Roofing

    ReplyDelete