Vague Innuendos from a Home Remodeling Book

FYI, there are 3 Thrift Store Pen Pals who have their items and will be posting soon, so don't think that I have ditched the Pen Pals project - there will be a few posts in the near future! The Pen Pals are Eli, Patrice, and O Galleghure if you'd like to check them out beforehand. Also, I am running dangerously low on volunteers, so if anyone would like to participate in the fantastic Thrift Store Pen Pals project, please just sign up here!

I found a basement remodeling book in a thrift store today and, since I haven't posted in a few days, figured I'd do what I do best and make far-fetched sexual innuendos from the pictures within! This is probably going to be really weird and really stupid. Here is the book:

Looks pretty dang boring. I wouldn't normally even flip through a book like this, as I don't have a basement, but those computer-generated pictures had my interest. Especially the guy in the upper left corner. He looks like a 70's porn star, so that's what I'm going with. We'll call him Todd.

Here's Todd, hard at work in his sexy shades, hammering his rod into a tight crack. You can see the look of cool determination on his face as he fills that crack. There's even a closeup shot to really show the penetration. 

Looks like Todd has spotted some prey. You can tell because his body is erect, he's put on his coat, and he has a dotted line coming out of his eyes.

Once he's gotten his prey, he checks for moisture problems. Here he shows you the two-finger method of checking a box for wet spots. The trick is to swipe slowly across the box, and you might as well smell your fingers for good measure.

Scrub a dub! Time to clean up. Todd rolls up his sleeves and gets right in there to make sure he has the most hygienic experience possible. Although this appears to go against his last tip about moisture, don't worry. Todd's been in this industry a long time; he knows what he's doing..

Now it's time for the fun part. You see Todd here, jacking until he's created a sizable mess on the floor in front of him. Notice that he's now wearing headphones. Listening to disco can give you a good rhythm while you're jacking on the floor.

Todd has put on his glove - which he calls his "love glove" - and is now filling a tight hole with his caulk. He remains stone-faced.

There was more, but that's all I'm willing to write. I feel dirty...