Spooky Thrift Store Items and Halloween!

Halloween is one of my favorite holidays; you get to dress up like and idiot and indulge in food and drinks. It's also a time when scaring the crap out of everyone is perfectly acceptable, which is good for me since I love horror movies. I also love thrift stores, so I will use Halloween as an excuse to show you a bunch of disturbing thrift store finds from recently. But first, I will share some of my Halloween shenanigans.

A couple friends and I decided to dress as characters from It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia. In particular, Dayman, Nightman, and the Troll from the episode The Nightman Cometh. If you haven't watched that show, I highly recommend it, as it is abundant with hilariously inappropriate humor. But if you haven't watched it, don't feel bad; just about zero people got the reference. Here is a picture of what we were going for:

And this is our interpretation:

No one was really ready for that picture... But my friend (Nightman) had some pretty sweet contacts!

The best part was that they kept rotating all night so the slits would be going all sorts of crazy directions. 

I also decided to dress up for work, thinking I would be among other fellow holiday celebrators, but unfortunately, no, I was the only one. In the entire building. Not only that, but no one even knew I was dressed up! I have to dress "business casual" at work, so basically slacks and a polo, but today I wore a great 70's sports coat, tie, and vest I found at a thrift store and went as a 70's business guy.

I did get a lot of compliments on how nice I looked though, so I guess that's a nice consolation. My favorite part of the outfit is the inside of the jacket:

It's got an awesome vintage-y look to it, plus those armpit stains were free of charge! I also found a bunch of tobacco in the pockets when I bought it...

Anyway, enough about me, let's talk about thrift stores! In no particular order, here are a bunch of random creepy things I've come across as of late. First up, we have these very creepy dolls I found in this plastic box. Prepare for nightmare fuel.

They might not look like much from there, but you can see the malicious intent on the doll on the left as it peers out from its dirty yellow prison. He can't wait to get out, and so I do as he wishes.

Gah! They're horrible :( Just look at the piercing blue eyes of the girl. I think their hair is... real human hair... seriously. Also, I don't think her outfit is appropriate - she is clearly missing a bra. Judging by the size of the boy's head, he is obviously a huge toddler. I don't know what's going on with his overalls, either, but I guess they just had to strap a couple belts on a tarp as it is probably difficult to find clothes for an enormous child. I'm not even sure these dolls are supposed to go together because the boy only has movable arms, whereas the girl has movable everything, including weighted eyes so she can "go to sleep." 

Or get murdered. You be the judge. I don't even want to know where the above scene is going. 

Here is a very, uh, "modern" doll. 

It's the "I Just Ran Into a Doorknob, Seriously, You Guys" doll. If domestic violence isn't spooky, I don't know what is. 

Next up, we have an interesting jar.

Or perhaps it is an urn. This thing must be a joke, but who the hell would actually buy this and put it in their house? We're not spiders, we don't murder our partners after we become lovers. This jar could give off one of two messages: 1) I'm a crazy woman, or 2) I'm a crazy man. I was curious so I picked it up and heard something inside.

Oh god, it's not a joke! 

Here is a real work of art:

It's a childhood version of Kathy Bates from Misery! If you don't know what I'm talking about, you should watch this, and then watch the entire movie because it is great. Look at the way she holds her doll's ankle - it's as if she's been dreaming of hobbling someone her entire life! Creepy effing statue. 

Here is a very confusing statue thing:

Not sure exactly what is going on here, but it appears those two children have ingested large quantities of magic mushrooms. It would certainly explain their choice in clothing. The boy on the left looks like he was once holding something in his hand that they are both mesmerized with, but since that piece has broken off, it just looks like these kids are tripping on drugs. Or maybe they are fish-people who have inhabited the bodies of two kids but haven't quite gotten the whole "facial expression" thing down yet. That would explain the huge eyes and fish mouth.

Here is another statue with creepy eyes. So many creepy-eyed statues!

"I think you're nice - please let me eat your soul :)" 

I found this candle of a golf-playing bear...

... and decided to light it and see what happens. Unfortunately the wick only went to his neck, but the results were still intriguing.

"It's starting to get a little warm in here..."

"Yes. I definitely feel something hot."

"Don't mind my face lying all over the place, guys."

And Golf Bear was no more. The wax melted in a pretty interesting way though. Right along side all the bits of his head.

And finally, another doll:

This doll is labeled "Cute Expressions," and, surprisingly, of all the cute expressions I can think of, "pure hatred" is not among them. Look at those eyes. That baby looks like it will rip your face off the moment you unwrap its cellophane cage. It's no mystery that this thing ended up in a thrift store - can you imagine how pissed you'd be if you asked for a baby doll for Christmas and your mom gave you this thing? 

Also, check out that picture in the lower right. Notice the arrows going into and out of the baby's chest. I am 100% sure that that picture depicts directions on how to kill this devil baby. "Not included: 1 wooden stake."