Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Thrift Store Adventures: Disturbing Things!

Here are a few truly and deeply disturbing items I've found in my adventures lately. These are the kinds of things that keep me going to thrift stores. Well, this and everything else - I love them. In fact, if a thrift store was a person, I'd be friends with her. Nothing more though, because I guarantee she'd have crabs.

First up, we have this:


Can you tell what that is? Well if not, let me describe it. I found it in the frames section, among the pictures of forgotten family pets and dead grandparents. It is framed and under glass, as if to signify something of importance. It contains several painted pieces glued onto a blue backboard. And it is a bunch of fingernails. Human fingernails, that someone painted and donated to a thrift store.

Even if you assume that the previous owner DIDN'T stalk, seduce, murder, and collect painted trophies from his victims, this thing is still weird. What is up with the pattern? Why are all the nails left-justified? What is up with this 5-4-5-4-3-3 pattern? Is it some kind of code?? I think we may have stumbled upon a secret.

Here's a close up of some of them:


My favorite from this section is the upper left nail with googly eyes. I can't imagine anyone ever actually wanting that on their fingernails. The next few are simply the epitome of 1989. There is a pretty sweet foot fingernail in the middle row. There are two music-based nails, and to top it off, a nail with a hammer on it. A hammer. On a nail. Cute.


This section just oozes '80s. Nothing too noteworthy, other than that landscape nail in the upper right. It includes a tree, some flowers, and what looks like a tsunami wave.

Well that thing was weird. No weirder than the fact that I purchased it though..........

I went with my friend to Texas to hang out with her and her boyfriend last weekend (they are two of my best-ever friends). One thing we did was visit a Texas thrift store, and let me tell you - it was incredible. The next two items are from that store. Just look at this creepy pillow!


It's a pillow with a picture of Erin Andrews transferred onto it! She is a sportscaster and the object of many sports-geeks' affections. Also, the back of the pillow is corduroy. Side note - have you heard about the corduroy pillows? They're making headlines! Ahhh I'm so funny.

This pillow makes me think of those "girlfriend pillows" that have pictures of hentai girls on them that nerds can sleep with, and perhaps even "sleep" with. Example. It's kind of sad, really. Not for the pillow's ex, but for the pillow itself. Just used and donated to a thrift store. She seems like a sweet pillow, I'm sure she didn't deserve such treatment. Now she probably has crabs.

Maybe not though; another notable thing about this pillow is the tag. It said something along the lines of "Certified Sanitized." That actually makes me feel a little better about touching the pillow. But not much.

Finally, we found a mask of Jigsaw from the saw movies. Here is what Jigsaw looks like in the movies:


Fairly scary, especially in context with the movies. So we decided to put the mask on. But my friend didn't think it was good enough so he added some ski goggles. We each tried this mask/goggles combo out, and they each have their own special level of creepy. Warning, these pics are... different.


Somehow the scariness of Mr. Jigsaw is lost when his hair tufts out the side like that. I tried it on next.


It just looks like some pale dude with frizzy boarder hair and a big, goofy grin on his face. Seeing the eyes through the goggles is a killer, too. My friend tried it on next, but his chin accidentally got caught in the mouth hole.


At this point we just lost it. And so marked the first time I'd ever cried in a thrift store. It looks like he's super confused and kind of sticking his tongue out. And ready to go snowboarding. I don't know if this is as funny to anyone else as it is to me, but I'm LOLing all over the place right now! Except now I'm pretty sure all three of us have crabs in our hair now.

Anyway, those are some of my most recent creepy and disturbing finds! If you want me to send you something like this in the mail, sign up for Thrift Store Pen Pals.

14 comments:

  1. OK, so that mask is hilarious...Halloween costume idea?
    :P

    ReplyDelete
  2. yes! my favorite nail is for sure the one with the hammer on it. it's kind of ironic! i'm sure the artist tried drawing little nails on the nails, but they probably ended up looking like miniature "t"s...

    ReplyDelete
  3. OMG! The nails can't be real, can they? They're those painted stick-on ones.
    Please say they are.
    The mask is hilarious! How, just HOW do you find this stuff?? awesome! :)

    ReplyDelete
  4. AHHH! You are making me want to go to a thrift store right now. Too funny. And is his tongue touching that mask? Eek.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Kez: I agree! We did buy it, I think it will be my friend's costume :)

    ihateeverything: Haha! Yeah, I'm sure she did. Although it would have made for a pretty sweet T nail.

    Storm: Yeah I'm pretty sure they're fake, but still... kinda creepy. I find this stuff by boring all my friends and doing a lot of digging.

    Andrea: You SHOULD go to the thrift store!!! No, he didn't stick his tongue out, that was actually his chin poking out haha :)

    ReplyDelete
  6. eewww the fingernails are gross... just gross. Looks like something you would find in a nail salon or something. *GAG*

    ROFL at the mask! It's gonna make a great halloween costume!

    ReplyDelete
  7. I love the nails! Its about time for an 80s revolution :)

    Maybe she wasn't going for a "hammer and nail" reference... but wanted to be able to hold up her hands and say "Stop... hammer time"

    ReplyDelete
  8. Those nails make me uneasy. . .I noticed that weird number pattern they were in too, fyi. Right away lol. The designs aren't even good! Hmph.

    I didn't even know about pillows of women that nerds "slept" with. . .yikes. Again, it makes me uneasy. The Saw mask is petrifying. But I must admit that it's pretty funny seeing Saw with boobs.

    Ohhh, and I did my pen pal post! About time, right? Don't be mad, but it's in video form. .

    http://carrymel.blogspot.com/2011/09/thrift-store-pen-pals-review-my-first.html

    ReplyDelete
  9. OK, son, I have installed a shower stall and delousing booth in the garage based on your mention (numerous times) of crabs. You have to promise to utilize these fumigation stations (what's your function..oh wait) before you enter the house, OK?

    ReplyDelete
  10. Holy crap, the NAILS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    GAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

    ReplyDelete
  11. The Saw mask is brilliant! I'm smelling a brand new Halloween costume...Snowboarder Jigsaw! Post that on hot-or-not and see how much love he gets!

    And human nails? What the crap? Why? How? On second thought, I don't want to know how.

    ~SP

    ReplyDelete
  12. The pics of the nails so made me LOL

    ReplyDelete
  13. That mask is terrifying! It scares me in the movies and it scares me on your blog. Oh and that nail thing might more even more disturbing. I'm surprised someone even donated it!

    ReplyDelete
  14. +$3,624 PROFIT last week...

    Get 5 Star verified winning bets on NFL, NBA, MLB & NHL + Anti-Vegas Smart Money Signals...

    ReplyDelete