Merry Winter Holidays!

I am pretty desensitized to embarrassment so I tend to do things others wouldn't, which is probably why I made my own ugly sweater this year! Although I frequent the thrift stores, people must get their ugly sweaters early because I had no luck finding one. Instead, I found bunch of normal things at the thrift store and put them together to make my own! Warning: this is pretty beautiful, so you will probably be jealous.

Take a look at those tassels coming out of the sleeves! Master craftsmanship, I must say.

The back features a googly-eyed Santa's face and hands, giving the illusion that he is hugging me. Why did I put this picture of myself on the internet for everyone to see? Because I'm a fool. But mostly for the ladies. ;)

When I wasn't searching for the most ridiculous things to glue onto a women's sweater, I saw some pretty bizarre Christmas decorations. For instance, this guy:

That is one muscular reindeer. Even his tail is bulging and rippling! Looks like Rudolph couldn't take everyone laughing and calling him names, so he took to the gym. Notice his antlers and hooves are red, too, so he must have gored and trampled Dasher and Dancer. He's also got a pretty sadistic smirk on his face, which really goes to show how damaging adolescent bullying can be! 

"Okay, Woody, seriously. That's obviously a ceramic stuffed Rudolph and those 'muscles' are the ceramic fabric seams." Well, imaginary skeptic, that's even weirder than a Roid-Rage Rudolph. "Nice alliteration." Thanks!

I also found this ultra-weird Santa Claus. This actually might be one of the weirder things I've ever found...

Can anyone explain this? Why is Santa balled up in cotton and medical wrap? I showed a friend who suggested that Santa is now a severe burn victim after he mistakenly went down a lit chimney. That chimney shit's dangerous, just use the front door! Closer inspection shows his anger at the situation.

Ahhh!! Why is Santa so scary? :( He has blood-red eyes with beady black pupils. My future children will not be sitting on this man's lap. Although he IS pretty soft... I'll ask again - Can anyone explain this??

I brought my stuff to my parents' house and mistakenly put my bags on the floor. The dog sniffed out this evil Santa Claus and tried to vanquish the evil, but to no avail. He only grows creepier without his burn wrappings!

What the heck IS this thing?! Well, the dog chewed him in to a pretty comfortable-looking position, so he's no longer the CREEPIEST Santa in the world. He's now...

...The most INTERESTING Santa in the world! "I don't always lose weight, but when I do, I lose all of it." 

Thank you, thrift stores, and everyone have some happy holidays! :)