Sunday, January 30, 2011

Boo Radley Lives in my Duplex - Random Treasures Found in my Home!

I feel like Scout and Jem Finch in my duplex, but I have yet to determine who my Boo Radley is. The reason I say this is that I keep finding random items in the strangest places around my new home, kind of like how Scout and Jem kept finding gifts in the tree in To Kill a Mockingbird. I bet whoever left me all these gifts eats cats and squirrels too.

I was decorating my new kitchen shortly after I moved in. I put up a Jayhawk to watch over all my dishes and appliances, along with a squishy stress-relieving dog to make sure no one breaks in and tries to make a sandwich. That's when I noticed something shiny atop the cabinets.

Mystery item circled and arrowed

I reached my hand up there and patted around until I felt something. It was metal and had some weight to it, but I was a little surprised when I grabbed it and brought it down. What was hiding above my cabinets was this:

Found in this exact position

Yes, it is a knife that kind of looks like a gun. I could have easily cut myself reaching up blindly for it, but luckily I have titanium-like skin. As creepy as the knife is, I still decided to play with it for a while. There were various buttons on the side, and when I pushed one of them, the blade flew out the side. It's a switchblade! I have no idea the history of this knife, or why someone decided to put it on top of the counter, out of sight and reach, but now I'm SURE that my Boo Radley eats cats and squirrels. 

I'm pretty happy about finding the knife though, because so far I have used it approximately 1000 times. It has come in handy when opening boxes, cleaning gunk off of tools, and cutting wires. Perhaps young Mr. Radley foresaw my need for such a tool...

Continuing to scout the place out in search of any other goodies, I opened up the cabinets under the sink, expecting to find nothing more than water damage. But fortunately, Boo has left me with this:

It kind of looks like standard pipes and chemicals found under your average sink. That's what I thought at first, but then I took a closer look at one of the "pipes" and had to bring it out for closer examination.

"Down the hatch!"

A cheapo beer bong. This thing must have been old because it fell apart when I picked it up, and judging by the amount of brownish residue, it had served a full and useful life. Also under the sink was some bug killer.

It is about 1/3 full, meaning most of it is probably along the perimeter of my floors. I haven't seen a single bug since I've lived here though, so the stuff must work. Although it IS winter, so they're probably just hibernating, waiting until it warms up to drop me a visit.

Lastly, I found a Hamilton Beach Hand Blender under the sink.

There is a garage sale sticker on it that originally read "$1" but someone wrote an "m" after it, probably meaning "million," because it's really hard to find garage sale stickers that go that high. I can only assume that Boo went to a garage sale, paid a million bucks for this hand blender, and placed it under my sink where I would eventually find it. 

My cupboard was completely empty except for a few items:


They are 3 cans of peaches, all different brands. This is perhaps the most difficult of Boo Radley's messages to decipher. Why 3 cans? Why different brands? Why are they bunched together and off-center? Am I supposed to set up a Pepsi Challenge type scenario and see which brand reigns supreme? None of them are expired, but all of them are close so if I'm going to set up a booth in the park to test the taste buds of the general public I'd better do so soon.

I also found a burned CD loaded with Lil Wayne's "No Ceilings." I won't include a picture because a writable CD makes for a rather boring image. Was this CD simply a gift from Boo because he thought I would enjoy the witty and vulgar stylings of Mr. Wayne, or was there a deeper message? Perhaps "No Ceilings" means I'm supposed to go into the attic to find the grand prize. But since I don't have a ladder and am about to go to bed, that adventure will have to wait for another day. 

So as a brief review of my gifts, I have gotten a gun-like switchblade, a cruddy old beer bong, some bug killer, a sweet hand blender, 3 cans of peaces, and a Lil Wayne CD. It seems like Boo wants me to concoct a poisonous beverage with the peaches and bug killer, blend it with the blender, and bong it while listening to Lil Wayne with the knife as back-up, but I don't know... What do you think?

1 comment:

  1. BOO RADLEY!!!! i guess no one gives santa credit anymore. its all boo radley these days. mommy can we leave fish sticks and a pepsi for boo radley! ive been good all year!