Monday, January 31, 2011

Weekend Trip, Sasha Grey, and Cats

I went back to Kansas over the weekend to visit my amazing friends and family. The ride home from Northwest Arkansas is really boring as it is a 3.5 hour straight-shot drive with no scenery other than a giant mushroom statue and a few porn shops. The CD player on my car is broken so I have to resort to the radio. My only other options are singing or trying to have a rap battle with myself in the car, which always ends up with me just "rapping" about the things I see on the road:

The lines on the highway 
They go sideways
Cars on the other side
They're comin' my way
Here's highway Double D
That's like boobies
That chick driving next to me
Is Sloth from the Goonies

Once that gets old I turn on the radio and browse through the 10,000 religious stations from here to Kansas City (my trip is basically driving along the Bible Belt). I learned this: "Men are SO stupid. They all believe that porn girls on the internet ACTUALLY like them. *snooty laugh*" And that is coming from a dude. I kind of feel bad for him, I think he is missing the point of porn entirely. On an unrelated note, Sasha Grey wants me, bad.

I have been in Arkansas, alone, friendless, for the past few weeks and so Friday night I was acting VERY goofy and enjoying myself very much. It's like I was high on friendship (I was going to go with "friend-gasm," but that term conjures up an entirely different image). After watching Hotel for Dogs, Tales from the Crypt: Demon Knight, and Twelve Monkeys back-to-back, we had a power hour to 80's music. If you've never had a power hour, you take a shot of beer every minute for an hour, which sounds super easy, but it's not. Promise. Our version consisted of a CD of 60 one-minute clips of 80's songs. I recommend you make your own power hour CD and invite me over.

When the song "Maniac" by Flashdance came on the power hour CD I decided to try and dance the whole minute like the chick on the video, but ONLY the part from 0:43 to 0:50. Except I was wearing pants. Needless to say, I didn't accomplish anything other than getting laughed at and sloshing 40 shots of beer around in my belly.

Sunday, while I was nursing my aching calves, my friends' cat came out to say hi while we were watching TV and eating old pizza. This cat is the most affectionate cat I've every met. Most cats I know walk up to you, wanting to be petted and then after exactly 1/4 second walk away and don't want to be bothered. They are total teases. But not Beatrice. She's more of an in-your-face cat, who loves to be touched more than Sasha Grey. (<---- Clicking on that link to her IMDb page shows 201 titles since 2006 - that's a lot of "work." She's recession-proof!) Anyway, Beatrice visited me on the armrest of the chair and, after a good rub-down, decided she was spent. This is her afterward:

"More, please."

I was pretty amused by this pose, so I snapped a shot and so I looked online for others and, after extensive research, came up with this, this, and this. However, Beatrice is a decidedly more attractive specimen. And I mean that in the least bestialical way possible.

1 comment:

  1. dude...your totally right...gotta say it....the cats hot! there! All the cards are on the table! your move