Saturday, May 7, 2011

Random Story: Little Girls Buy Disturbing Video Games

Last summer my family had a garage sale. I sold a lot of my childhood toys and games that I no longer wanted, including all my Playstation 2 games. The games sold sparsely throughout the day as you'd expect and nothing particularly notable happened, except for that it was like 110 degrees and I wanted to die. But then a grandma showed up with her two grand-daughters, who were about 8 and 11 I'd say.

The girls looked through my box of games and selected a few, then brought them up to the counter to pay. Here are the games they bought, and why (probably):

Singstar Rocks:

This game was one of the first "Rock Band" type games that featured use of microphones. It is basically just the singing portion of Rock Band. There are various rock songs to choose from, and it was fairly fun. My favorite feature is that the game records your voice, so after each song you can isolate each player's voice and potentially embarrass your friends.

The girls bought this game because they, like most young girls, want to become rock singers. This game will get them the practice they need to become the next Miley. Or Ke$ha. Whatever floats their boats. Nothing crazy about this purchase.

Dog's Life:

In this game, you are a dog. That's pretty much the premise. You get to chase chickens, play fetch, and smell smells, but you must use all your doggie skills to save your true love from getting ground up and processed into cat food (seriously). In the end, you must save your girlfriend (dogfriend?) and grind up the evil overseer lady into cat food instead. I must say, it was pretty fun, although I was slightly shocked (and excited) about how dark the ending was.

The girls bought this game because, come one, look at that puppy! Who doesn't fantasize about being a dog sometimes; they don't have to work and they poop and chase squirrels all day. Although slightly dark, the ending gives a great feeling of revenge. A little vengeance is healthy, right?

Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas:

Everyone has heard of the Grand Theft Auto games, either because of how fun they are or because of all the controversy surrounding them. The game is very open-ended so you can steal cars, shoot people, and chop people up with chainsaws to your heart's content. 

OK, so it's a little odd for these girls to be buying a Grand Theft Auto game, but they probably just heard all they hype and wanted to see it for themselves. Grandma didn't seem to mind, so why not? Besides, the game has a great story and although it is pretty adult-themed, it is pretty clear that it is not real.

Hitman: Contracts:

Just as it sounds, in this game you are a hitman. You take contracts to murder various important people. The thing about this game is that you must strategize each killing so that you leave no trace behind and you don't get caught, whether that means wiping out everyone in the building or simply poisoning the main course. Weapons include all sorts of guns, piano wire for strangling, and various chemicals to inject into your victims' veins. This game really gives the essence of what it is to be a contract killer.

Hmm. These girls are starting to creep me out a little, especially considering how young they are. When I rang this game up I asked if they knew what the game was about and they said they did. Completely stone-faced. At this point I figured I'd better not cross them, so, ignoring the giant "M for mature audiences only" on the cover, I handed the game over.


You make a snuff film in this game. For those of you who don't know, a snuff film is one in which someone is murdered on-screen for the viewer to get his rocks off. Your character wakes up in a room with only a voice in his ear telling him that the only way he'll survive is if he murders a bunch of people for the camera. The more gruesome your make your kills, the better. You know you're doing well when the voice in your ear starts moaning. Eventually, you get to find the guy who's making you do all this and kill him. And everyone lived happily ever after. Except for all the dead people and the guy who just committed hundreds of murders against his will.

Alright. These little girls are straight up fucked in the head, and their grandma is their enabler. They clearly have a thirst for blood, and video games can only tide them over for so long; it's only a matter of time before they snap. Grandma's days are numbered, and she knows it. That's the only explanation for why she's letting her elementary school grandkids buy murder-simulators. I gave an uneasy smile, accepted their money with shaking hands, and said "good day." I don't want to become a statistic. 

You may be saying, "But didn't you own these games first? Why is it OK for you to play them but not these little girls?" That's true, but I never said I was a role model. Either way, if you see two adorable/sadistic looking little girls and their grandma sidekick, I suggest you turn the other way.

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