Tuesday, March 8, 2011

Mexican Beverage Review!

I went grocery shopping at my new favorite grocery store, Harp's, and discovered that there are a lot of Mexican/Hispanic items there. That is likely due to the high population of Hispanic people in the area.

I took advantage of this and decided to try some different Mexican drinks I saw around the store, which were strangely all in different places. 

First up is Kern's Strawberry Kiwi Nectar. 

I didn't know this until I researched it a little after deciding to write this review, but Kern's is from California, not Mexico, so this list already fails. Perhaps it was the Spanish translation of "Strawberry Kiwi" that threw me off. Anyway, I will proceed with the review anyway, pretending this is straight from Tijuana. 

The first thing I notice is the little hummingbird at the top left corner. He seems cheery enough, but it got me wondering why they decided to put a hummingbird on their can. Don't hummingbirds basically drink sugar water with food coloring? Well, after tasting the drink, it became clear that this drink is basically just that. It is very sweet and sugary. I probably wouldn't mind it if I were in middle school, but with my more mature tastes, the sweetness makes me say "gross." 

The nectar does indeed have a strawberry kiwi kind of taste, but it is thicker than I expected, with a consistency of pulp free orange juice. Considering I drank this warm, mixed with the instant diabetes I got from the sugar, it was not a very pleasant experience. 

Final Score: C-

Next up is Jumex Guanabana Nectar. 


My research tells me "it's not 'jew-mex' you racist, it's 'hu-mex.'" On a side note, my research is kind of an asshole. I got this because, well, what the hell is a guanabana??? I looked it up, and the picture on the can does not do this "fruit" justice. This thing is an alien.


Extra yuck

The thing that gets me is that sometime, long ago, someone said "I want that in my mouth." The pile of wet, slimy, squishy stuff in the picture above certainly looks appetizing. 

The can says it is 100% nectar, and that it is from concentrate. The back of the can informs me that this product contains 20% juice. Something does not seem right, but going back and looking at the Kern's, I see that THAT is 20% juice as well. I also notice that I picked up two cans of "nectar." Yikes, I have a feeling I am in for another warm, sweet, thick experience, much like the experiences I have while wearing beer goggles. 

The taste is indeed thick, but not nearly as sweet as the Strawberry Kiwi. The best way I can describe it is that it tastes like milky pineapple juice. The nectar is also very light colored so it kind of drives the milky pineapple thing home. This would probably be pretty good in a mixed beverage, which will lead me to the beer goggles, and this whole thing will become a vicious cycle. 

Worth it though.

Final Score: B.2

The last drink I bought is Refresco Goya Coconut Soda.

Hooray, not another nectar! This coconut soda promises to be delicious, but at a price. And that price is $2.15. Yep, I paid over 2 bucks for a Mexican soda I'd never heard of. But heck, I like soda, and I like coconut. And I like Latinas. So there's no way I can go wrong here, right?

Well one good thing about this soda is that it tastes EXACTLY like coconuts. The bad thing about it is it tastes EXACTLY like coconuts. Raw coconuts, like if you buy one from the store and drink its blood. It is, however, my favorite drink of the bunch, probably because it's not another damn nectar. That Kern's hummingbird wouldn't come near this shit. 

Final Score: B+

Looks like we didn't have any solid winners this time, but what can you expect from random Mexican drinks? From a $2.15 drink? A lot, that's what. But you probably won't get it, and that's okay. It's the journey that counts, not the destination. I'm not sure if that quote fits, but that's what I'm going with.


  1. That guanabana thing looks like The Grinch's genital warts.

  2. Jason, that's actually what the milky white "nectar" is from. Steven, you be trollin!

  3. I laughed pretty hard when I read the paragraph about the coconut soda.. It does say Coconut Soda, so you got EXACTLY what you paid for. haha. I imagine you saying "Gross" and trying to get one of us to try it. :)

  4. this made me lol - talia

    next time try to fund "JUPINA"

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