Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Thrift Store Adventures: Book Edition Vol. 4!

I love books and I love weird stuff. Sometimes I get both in one, and this is what happens. Yay!

[EDIT: I've had a couple people tell me of this amazing piece of awesomeness, so I highly recommend you check it out. It's a great kid's book called Go the F**k to Sleep. I've actually had the pleasure of reading this book, and it IS all it's cracked up to be. I'm not a parent, but it seems pretty accurate. Here is a sample passage from this amazingness:

All the kids from daycare are in dreamland.
The froggie has made his last leap.
Hell no, you can't go to the bathroom.
You know where you can go? The fuck to sleep.

I hope to one day be as great as that author. Anyway, onto the post...]

First up, we have New Toes for Tia by Larry Dinkins. This book is particularly peculiar as the cover shows a little girl standing in a campfire. I've had a similar experience, but I was heavily intoxicated.

I was debating whether or not to save this book for a Judging Books by Their Covers entry, but I'm putting it here instead. Just because. Anyway, As you can surmise, Tia is in need of some new toes because her asshole village-mates tossed her in a fire. I can only assume they did this for sport, much like cock fighting, as there is not much to do in their village. You can see her handler getting pissed that she can't take the heat. You can also see the gamblers circled around her, making bets and cheering her on.

Okay, so I didn't read the book, but that's at least what it LOOKS like is happening. A few pages in, however, you get to see the real reason she's in a fire:

She's a hobbit. Villagers HATE hobbits. 

This next book is the epitome of badassery:

It's simply called "Science" and it has a picture of a sweet-looking robot holding a magnifying glass. So simple, so awesome, so stylish. I love it.

Not so sure about this one though: 

This cover made me laugh. It was especially funny seeing it mixed in with all the religious stuff and cookbooks at the thrift store. I looked it up though, and it actually seems pretty interesting; it is apparently a really offensive-to-all-races satire, so I may have to go back and check it out... Seeing that shadow behind you would scare the crap out of anyone though.

This next one is a self-help book: 

This one isn't particularly extraordinary on its own, but I have plans for this guy. I will wait outside the book store (thrift store) and wait until a beautiful woman buys it. I'll already know she won't say no, so I will offer myself to her (before she reads the book, of course) and we'll do it guilty-style. I'm going to ask her to do the weird stuff, too. It's a perfect plan. Except for the fact that this book is in a thrift store and it will probably definitely be an old lady who buys it. But hey, beggars can't be choosers. 

Lastly, we have the Shrek book:

This was in the book section and you can clearly see that it says "BOOKS" on the price tag in the corner. However, it is an old AOL trial internet case with some notebook paper taped to the front labeled "SHREK." This book apparently has no author. Or cover. Or book.

"Well it's probably the movie. Someone just lost the case and put the DVD in an AOL case. And... mislabeled it as a book..." Quick thinking, imaginary skeptic, I thought that too, but I opened it up and saw this:

It's a video game! This thing is having all sorts of identity crises. 

Fun fact: AOL 6.0, Shrek the movie, and Shrek Game Land Activity Center all came out in 2001. So the good thing about this schizophrenic artifact is that it is sort of like a time capsule. A stupid one.


  1. I've actually read "go the f**k to sleep myself, and i have to say- it is beyond brilliant :)

  2. Go the F*ck to Sleep is a book that I will totally be wanting when the baby comes. Hilarious. I don't know what all those PC people are on about. It's great!

  3. At first that shadow looks like a monkey... but then I looked a bit closer and I realized that it's a 1940's-Black-and-White-movie-white-person-as-a-black-person face.


    Creepy right?

  4. You have to tell me how that Negrophobia book is! It looks a lot like 'blackface', which I talked about in my thesis but if you say it's offensive to all races I wanna know more lol.

  5. culinarystorm: Yes, I agree! :) I think you can find the whole thing on YouTube if I'm not mistaken...

    Kez: It's true, PC is way too boring. It's like diet caffeine free Coke - so pointless.

    Nicole: I think that picture actually IS black person though. My friend just bought this picture: http://cdn.wn.com/pd/aa/dd/0b13eb524cf9d7bf0ff1a2cfb6e5_grande.jpg

    But yeah, it IS pretty creepy!

  6. carrymel: I will let you know how it is :) Your thesis was on blackface??

  7. you can read the whole book on the internet without going to annoying youtube. When i saw the cover of the negrophobia book it reminded me of minstrel shows. Probably a lot of good song lyrics in that book! Hopefully some pictures of banjoes and such.

  8. I like how the "Science" robot looks like he has the McDonald's arches on his chest!

  9. Did you know that Samuel L. Jackson narrates the audiobook of "Go the F*** to Sleep?" There's actually an entire genre coming out now that are written like kids books but they're for adults - geared towards those of us in our 20's and 30's and are nostalgic and ironic and all that good stuff. Another good one is "That's Not Your Mommy Anymore: A Zombie Tale"