Sunday, August 14, 2011

Vienna Sausage Madness and Vampire Bat Faces!

Given the popularity of my last Vienna sausage post, I decided to delve a little further into sausage-dom. Despite the fact that a fellow blog-friend, Nhya, thinks that I hate Vienna sausages, I actually almost enjoy them. So tonight I have decided to buy every different kind of Vienna sausage I could find and review them all. After visiting two different stores, here is my stash:

Be jealous

I will be using original flavor Vienna sausages as my baseline specimen and comparing all other sausages to that. So here is the lineup.


You can almost see the nerves on them as they prepare to be critically judged, but just look at their determination.


As I tried each sausage, I wrote down my thoughts on a notepad. I will transcribe my notes below. Who will stand up to the test? Who will prevail? Who will fail miserably? Let's find out.

Libby's Original Vienna Sausage:
Notes: Soft, mushy, slightly salty. Quite tasty.
Grade: 5 (this is the control sausage, so it will be right in the middle at a a score of 5 out of 10)

Libby's Zesty BBQ Vienna Sausage:
Notes: Not zesty. Tougher texture. Tastes like old SpaghettiOs. Barely any BBQ taste. Cats might like it?
Grade: 3.5

Prairie Belt Smoked Sausage:
Notes: Same texture as BBQ. Tastes like lumber - Prairie Belt actually tastes like the little house on the prairie. I could only ever eat one.
Grade: 2.5

Armour Chicken Vienna Sausage:
Notes: Tastes a lot like Libby's Original! Firm texture. A bit saltier... too salty. Tastes like hot dog concentrate.
Grade: 4

Armour Jalapeno Vienna Sausage:
Notes: Surprisingly spicy. A cat wouldn't even eat this. Tastes like fennel seeds.
Grade: 2

Armour Smoked Vienna Sausage:
Notes: Tastes like a grilled hot dog. A bit much though. Tastes like straight Liquid Smoke.
Grade: 3

As you can see, the original Vienna sausages win! I was a little surprised by this outcome. I was almost sure the smoked Armour sausages would win, hands down. This is like playing Mario Kart and winning the game with Mario. I guess this goes to show how a little heart and determination can bring out the best in everyone. It's a classic tale brought to life with these little sausages.

I was going to curve the scores to even things out, but on second thought... 5/10 seems about right as far as ideal Vienna sausage taste goes. After eating six little sausages my belly doesn't want any more. But only for you, Dear Reader, I will go against my body's will and make some food out of all these opened cans of sausages I have lying around now.

I looked up some Vienna sausage recipes because I didn't want to just throw away six barely-eaten cans of perfectly good cat food Vienna sausages, and I found one that looked interesting, vampire bat faces. The recipe has no pictures and is pretty confusing. Google provided no pictures either, so I was left to interpret the recipe on my own, so this is kind of an adventure. They are supposed to look like the faces of vampire bats, so I went in expecting this. Let's see how I do. Here are the ingredients:


Vienna sausages with ketchup, mayonnaise, relish, mustard, and cheese. On crescent rolls. With that delicious mix of ingredients how could the vampire bat faces be anything but delectable? /sarcasm. I decided to put one of every flavor of sausage in my mix. I mashed up all the ingredients and spooned the mixture onto the crescent rolls.


I then folded them in half, sealed them up, and placed sausage eyes on each bat.


I then cooked them for a while. When they were done I put on the finishing touches, which was the nose and mouth.


It's pretty tough to be very accurate with ketchup paint on a crescent roll canvas, but I made due. Again, the recipe was very vague about how to make these, and there were no pictures, but this is what I came up with. I kind of like these guys. But as I have learned from various cow-farm movies, I shouldn't name these guys and make them pets if I plan on eating them with a healthy conscience. 

So I ate the nameless creatures. I certainly wasn't expecting much considering what they're made of. I have to say though, these bat faces are actually pretty tasty! If you even somewhat like Vienna sausages, or if you hate your family, I'd recommend these little guys. They are a pretty decent snack, I'd say.

Final Taste Grade: 8.5/10

Final Looking-Like-a-Bat Grade: 1/10

13 comments:

  1. I grew up eating vienna sausages (and spam! lol) but I've never had them on a crescent roll with cheese and condiments. As I read this, I seriously thought about if I had crescent rolls in my fridge!

    ReplyDelete
  2. wow...you did eat a ton of sausages!
    very creative bat-face roll there :) love it!

    ReplyDelete
  3. My mouth was watering reading this. I'll bet I would like every one of the different sausages and would probably have reated them from 8 to 10. Next time you are home you are going to have to make the bat faces for me (which as far as I am concerned look EXACTLY like bat faces). Of course Vicky won't touch them.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Myli: You should definitely try them, I am curious to know what you would think of them!

    culinarystorm: Thank you, I am kind of growing attached though!

    Dad: I bet you WOULD like them all. I will make them for you next time I'm up there. They're quite good.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Lol! You took Vienna sausages to a whole new level! Is it bad that I didn't even know there were other flavors besides original? o.O And I call myself a true fan. . .I would have thought the spicy one would have been the best but I guess not.

    Sidebar - If that is in fact your Dad up there, I think it's extremely adorable that he comments your blog! lol

    ReplyDelete
  6. Carrymel: It's not bad, it's just... disappointing :| haha jk.

    And yes, that's really my dad, he's about as goofy as I am.

    ReplyDelete
  7. i would like to see a new review. they seem to have shrunk since these photos where taken. my dad mentioned eating some the other night so they were on my mind. bought a couple of the original cans at the grocery and low and behold. they're smaller. what the heck? any Vienna wiener eat worth his salt would be shocked.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Who eats this crap.....Randy.Schorn@sbdinc.com

    ReplyDelete
  9. I eat it you hater. mcardinal@paladinattachments.com

    ReplyDelete
  10. I will cut your balls off and cook them with my little wieners. Randy.Schorn@sbdinc.com

    ReplyDelete
  11. Damn Randy! Get a life and stop talking about my balls. Go eat your wiener and then spank your wiener. mcardinal@paladinattachments.com

    ReplyDelete
  12. Oh its on big boy. Come and get you some big dick face puppy. Randy.Schorn@sbdinc.com

    ReplyDelete
  13. I will be there after I finish up with your mom. She loves the taste of my wiener. mcardinal@paladinattachments.com

    ReplyDelete